Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
