you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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