All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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