he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
