Whod you bang
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Still dying that you shit outside
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
