I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
