Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
