Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
