I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
