sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
