so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
