just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
