Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
