Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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