Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
