somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
