Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
