I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize