Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
