I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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