You smell like a Billy Joel song
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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