he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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