i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
