I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
