I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
