he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
