I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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