apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
