hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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