hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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