There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
