We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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