i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
