He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
