So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
