I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
