it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
