does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
