I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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