who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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