worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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