apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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