The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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