he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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