Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
