I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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