Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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