it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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