Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
