Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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