Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
