fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
