I will die if light touches me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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