you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
