just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
