my being single is dangerous.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
