He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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