Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
