update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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