I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
