Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize