he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
