grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
