FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
