you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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