The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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