The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
time to smoke my breakfast
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
