Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
