he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
