I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
