Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
