Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
