Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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