Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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