Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
