I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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