So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
