i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
barbara walters just said penis...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm at about main and main street
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
