I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
